We lost a member of our family back in October, our cat Shadow. She was a part of our family for 11 years! Jason and I got Shadow and Zoey when we lived in an apartment over in Holladay, Utah...before we had any of our cute boys. We saved them from the Humane Society and they were as close as any sibling could be, even though they weren't blood-related. Jason picked Shadow out for his kitty and there was an instant bond right away! She jumped out of the cage and onto his arm and climbed up to his shoulders and just perched herself there! She knew Jason was a gentle and loving and you couldn't argue with that.
She was a larger-than-normal cat, and people would always comment about how big she was. It made me feel bad for her because she couldn't help the fact she was so big~ the vet told us that her breed of cat usually gets large like she was after they have been spayed, and she was spayed just as a kitten. I've learned that you shouldn't spay or neuter an animal until they are sexually mature or it can cause all kinds of problems and diseases later in life...had we known in the beginning, right? But you really don't have a choice because the Humane Society automatically does that to all the animals they get in, to prevent more unwanted and homeless animals on the street. It's a catch 22 because I agree with that aspect of it, but at the same time, having it create health problems for the animal later on is a hard thing to be a part of, as well.
Back in September, around the middle of the month, Shadow didn't seem to be eating anything. She was usually the one that did eat plenty and enjoyed eating maybe a little too much at times? So I thought that was odd. She was the cat who always stayed close to home and didn't venture out much, she was a little bit of a chicken! But such a sweet, sweet cat. I suppose I brushed off the fact she wasn't eating much and thought maybe she just isn't as hungry and didn't think much of it. She appeared to be ok, aside from that.
Then one day I saw her cross the street and I called her name; she looked back at me and then continued to go on her way. I thought, ok, I guess she's wanting to go explore for now and figured she's come back by the night time. Well she didn't come back and I was a little concerned but not overly worried. So when she didn't come back the next day all day, I definitely began to wonder what was going on. She would need to come back and eat, she wouldn't be able to fend for herself, she just wasn't one of those kinds of cats.
She ended up being gone for 2 full days, and I just kept praying she would find her way back home. Did she get lost? Was she hurt somewhere, or did she fall into our neighbors window well? I would call her name and walk around and look for her but couldn't find her. Then she finally came back on the morning of the 3rd day. What a relief! Where had she been? She looked so dusty and dirty. Her eyes seemed a little sunken in and I went to pet her and her backbone was totally protruding! I was pretty disturbed by that point. I thought she must have gotten lost and couldn't find her way back, but my prayers and helped guide her home, and she just needed to eat and drink some water.
I prodded her to eat something and she just seemed to want to drink some water. I had her rest and just kept an eye on her. Over the next couple of days she wasn't eating from what I could tell and seemed to have no energy at all. She would just lay in her box, or lay on the concrete and sit. It was so sad! I finally told Jason she needs to be taken to a vet, something is definitely wrong!
He finally took her in, it was a Saturday morning, the 30th of September. I had everyone take a picture with her, because I really thought that she would have to be put down and we wouldn't get another chance to get anymore pictures; she really seemed that sick. Jason called me a little later on and said they were doing some tests, etc. When he found out more, he said the vet told him all her tests came back normal; no diabetes, her thyroid was fine, she just seemed to be extrememly dehydrated. I thought, that's it?!? I was relived and surprised because, like I mentioned before, I really thought we'd have to put her down that day!
The vet gave her some kind of an IV pack into her bottom which was supposed to help rehydrate her and sent Jason and Shadow on their way. She told him to watch her and see if she eats anything and if she still seems to not be getting better, to bring her back in and we would do a check for cancer. Our poor little Shadow, it all seemed so simple do diagnose her as such, but over the next day, she didn't show signs of improvement. She was at our place for about 2 days and then she disappeared again...never to return back home!
I figured she had gone off to die, but we couldn't find her anywhere and thought she possibley wandered off again and maybe she would come back? I guess that's what happens when you don't have a body for evidence, to get that closure...I can only imagine the pain and torture when a parent's child goes missing, or anybody's loved one goes missing for that matter, and never being able to have that closure from not having their body to be able to give a proper burial...it was tough, because we kept going back and forth between thinking, she's gone off to die, but what if she is still alive? And back and forth with those thoughts and feelings.
At the same time, one of our other cats, Maizy, whom we picked up back in 2005 as a stray, went missing almost at the exact timimg Shadow went missing for the final time. I couldn't figure it out, but I wasn't too worried because it was like her to go MIA for a couple, even a few days and then come back home. So I just assumed it was the same kind of situation with her, once again.
I remember driving home I believe on a Wednesday after she went missing and looking up at the beautiful clouds in the sky with the sun streaming through them and got this overwhelming feeling of Shadow's presence, and that she was all around us, that she was spreading across the sky along with the clouds, and I got the very strong feeling that she had passed on. I lost it and just started bawling. It was such a beautiful confirmation and yet at the same time, so emotionally gripping at the same time. I knew she was gone, but where was she? I didn't feel like we could have closure from all of this unless she was found and we could bury her. I had thoughts of her remains being eaten by a wild animal, as there are plenty out in the mountainous area where we live; I still questioned if maybe she was still alive, even though I knew she wasn't, and was very upset by the whole situation.
I prayed that we would find her, I went searching all around the fields of the empty lots by our house, over across the street at the neighbors, checked in their window wells, under their porch, and never found her. Where would she have gone? Certainly she couldn't have gone far, she seemed to have trouble walking in the first place. I looked under things where I thought she could have gone to die, but still nothing.
Meanwhile, Maizy was still MIA and I went so far as to check out the animal shelter to see if she'd been picked up. She would go missing, but never this long. I was worried and didn't want to think of another one of our furry family members gone now, too! She wasn't there, and while at the shelter I even tried to see if I could spot Shadow, but neither of them were there. All I got from going to that place was how many cats and kittens were there, in less-than-desirable conditions, the very minimum that would just sustain life, not the quality of it. It was heartbreaking, the ones that were so sick, they were near death and nobody to comfort them. The ones that had some kind of identification from a collar around their neck, meowing incessantly, hoping you were their long lost owner come to rescue them, and then the feral-type cats who had a look of sheer terror on their faces, who were pretty much quarantined from the other "normal" housing conditions. Sad, very sad. I had to choke back my tears while there, wishing if only I could give them ALL a loving, safe home...in a perfect world, I know.
Well, time went by and Jason mentioned how guilty he felt for not giving Shadow as much attention as he should have, and not being able to get closure since we hadn't found her body yet. Then one day, our kids come runnin back over to our house, from our neighbor's where they had been playing, and were yelling, "We found Shadow!!!", both excitement and panic in their little voices.
Shadow ended up finding her final resting place over next to our neighbor's driveway, down in some bushy weeds. She was definitely decomposing and smelled rotten. I couldn't help but start to cry when I saw her laying there. How sad, I thought, that she had to go off and die alone. How long was she laying there suffering before her spirit was able to leave? Sad how she was just a lifeless, furry, decomposing body laying there now. I guess I always knew we would have to deal with one of our pets dying, it was just kind of a sad situation the way it all happened.
So, we ended up digging a hole in our backyard and buried her there. I typed up a letter for her with a picture of all of us on it, including all of her animal siblings. We put that in her grave, along with some flowers from our yard and also a picture of her and Zoey when they were kittens, best friends for sure. It was a nice little ceremony and I was so glad we could give her that proper buriel we so desired for her.
A couple of hours after we found Shadow, we spotted Maizy, not too far off from where Shadow was found! Miraculous? I don't know, but it seemed like that. It was almost as if she had been watching over Shadow until she was found, I don't know? But the timing of it and everything was too close not to assume that's why she had been missing. I don't know what we couldn't ever spot her if she was indeed, closeby watching over Shadow, but that's the only thing we could do to explain it all. The sad part is that Maizy was always the outsider to Shadow and Zoey, they never fully accepted her into our family and was always kind of bullied by them, in a way. But she seemed to have came upon Shadow after she had died and somehow felt she couldn't come back until we found Shadow first. Very interesting; the way the story ended, but I know that animals have their part here on earth and we are all intrinsicately connected, regardless of the fact that we are human and they are animals, our spririts are all connected. I'm glad we had Shadow for the time we did and for her grace in suffering like she did, perhaps even longer than we realized, and that her spirit may now rest in peace.
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